Rain again...

Rain again... strange spring this one... and I am feeling blue again, hoping for this hurting time to be over. Thought you were the right one, that you had come into my life for a reason as well as a season of never ending love and happiness. But I guess I was wrong... hoping for news from you and always accepting the excuses of too much work, issues to resolve and a complicated life to deal with, and at all times feeling I was at fault for not being there for you... when you know so damn well that I have ALWAYS been by your side, if not in person, always waiting for you, ready to give you a helping hand.

My tough luck, to have come upon such a selfish creature, who only thinks in his own well-being, as to feel well with oneself one must be selfish you once said. I guess I should learn how to be selfish too, and give a damn about whatever is keeping you away... it is your life, and you can chose to live it as you wish... pity you still haven't learnt how to pick the right people around you... well, guess I haven't either... it is a never-ending life learning experience, one I still have so much to learn about... and learn, specially, not to trust anyone right away... as there is a lot of evil around, and I seem never to be able to get used to the thought that you are not what you said you were, what I saw you were... you might be someone different altogether... but I don't want to see you that way. I cannot stop seeing you as I always have, because, in spite of your silences and absences, your silly messages and unbelievable questionings, you are still that fine gentleman I met some time ago, who changed my life and made me smile...

Spring and a rainy day again... feeling blue with losing you... but, did I ever have you? Did you truly ever care for me? Was I ever anyone special for you... or just one of your so many friends? You said I had changed your world... you DID change mine, but I guess it was not the only world you have changed... What happened along the way?

Only you have the answer to those questions... in my heart and soul, I know that I was special, I cannot tell why I stopped being so...

I was sent this Annie Lennox song by a dearest friend when we were chatting online last Saturday... my dearest Brit!!! And the lyrics are just so beautiful... but I haven't been able to come upon the video to upload it... still, a beautiful song. Enjoy what the words say... and I am hoping to get over my hurting time for you, which is not the first one since I have met you, though I do hope it will be the last...

"The Hurting Time"

To everything there is a purpose ...

To every blade of grass

And every leaf on every tree

Every livin' thing will surely

Come to pass

And what will be will be ...

That's when the hurtin' time begins

And all the things you never said

Or didn't have the strength to say

And everything you ever did

That time won't ever wash away

Fears that you've been livin' with

Come runnin' down your face

Runnin' down your face

When the hurtin' time begins ...

So tell me what the day brings

Has it lost its thrill?

Are you still searching

Hoping for that space to fill ...

Everything you turn to

Is like a mirror on the shelf

And the only one you're blaming is yourself

A million little deaths you've died

The times that you've been crucified

The more you've loved and lost and tried

And still could not be satisfied

When will you be satisfied?

When will you be satisfied?

Not till the hurtin' time begins