lunes, 5 de noviembre de 2007

Who should I believe?

Who should I believe... him or the people around me and what they say about him?

What should I believe... the words he spoke, or what I read somewhere about them talking and possible promises?

... what he has told me more than once, or what I read and her interpretations of a future together?

... what he said about hardly ever being online, or her words which say they meet online regularly?

... what my heart says or what my mind does not want to believe as true?

... my feelings or the facts around me?

... what he told me is true... or what I think I see around me?

Shit! Why... is loving and wanting to be happy so difficult?
... do her words hurt so much?
... does his being so cold make my heart ache?
... do I believe everything I read?
... can't he speak out clearly about what is really going on, instead of saying I am one of the few people who REALLY know almost everything about his life?
... can't I let go and allow both of us to be happy on our own separate paths? and should I do so?
... do I love him so much I only believe HIS words and no one else's?

As I once wrote to him last year when he was being influenced by what he heard and was being told... listen to what your heart has to say and don't believe everything you read and hear... I should do the same now!
But it is hard when he writes talking about these people who have talked about me... because he has believed them more than me... only listening to the version of those who naturally would like to have him for themselves, in a selfish and destructive manner...
so much to think about, and yet so many feelings that do not allow me to do so...

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